I’ve always found relationships to be an extremely interesting part of our individual needs in society. Personally, I was never one to believe in the commonly accepted habits of a traditional relationship. I was one to choose to avoid defining the circumstances of a relationship in order to keep things open so neither of us felt obligated to one another. Sounds good in theory until you fall in love with someone whom you perceive as “the one” and want to make it known that no matter who you meet or connect with, you’re only interested in them as a romantic partner. Then just as everything else, your point of view changes.

Of course there are multiple ways to approach a relationship and we all make mistakes along the way.  I’ve learned from personal experience and from observation of my friends’ and family’s relationships, shit happens and we never truly reveal the scope of our mistakes. I don’t need to sit here list all that can go wrong between a romantic couple because as we all know, the possibilities are endless. So the real question remains, how do we resolve conflict with our respective partner? When one of us commits a wrong-doing of any kind where do we turn? How are we supposed to feel and what should the logical decision be as to how to proceed further in the partnership? So many questions with never enough answers. However, I do believe there is one key ingredient that can make or break any relationship and that’s simply communication.

In order to understand what is on your partner’s mind or how they are feeling we each have a responsibly to communicate with one another. Notice I said responsibility, not obligation. I think many confuse the two thinking, “They don’t own me, I don’t have to do what they tell me.” Which is correct, but like a job requires you to show up every day on time and work until your shift is completed, you have a responsibility to abide by those terms or risk getting fired. You’re not obligated to do anything. You chose to be involved with another person and form a partnership, therefore either follow the accepted responsibilities or forfeit the relationship altogether. Sounds easy enough, but like many things, its easier said than done.

So what happens when one of us makes a mistake such as getting angry for the simplest of reasons and treating their partner with an unwarranted aggression? Or when we tell a little white lie about what we’re doing, or even who we’re with? What happens when we risk trust for our own selfish needs? I won’t go into the complicated discussion of cheating because personally, if you decide to commit to one another and can’t abide by that commitment then your issues stem deeper than anything I can address in a blog article. That is truly a completely different discussion for another day and changes with the people involved and the situation. For now we’ll just keep it simple, such as minuscule arguments and mishaps that in hindsight seem so ridiculous we’re almost ashamed altogether they occurred in the first place. That I do believe can be handled in numerous ways.

Now we’ve all been in disagreements with a partner. We’ve all let our tempers flare and allowed our emotions to get the best of us and uttered those fateful words, “I’m done with you, its over!” Or we’ve said something to that effect. The question is, do we really mean it? Did the conflict really need to take that turn or were we over-reacting simply because we couldn’t see eye to eye? In today’s society with social media and constant connection to so many people, relationships have taken a completely different meaning and have become more fragile than ever. Simple text messages, Facebook or Instagram ‘likes’ and comments, or even a questionable tweet or Shapchat story can hurt feelings and cause all hell to break loose. However, often enough the conflicts that occur from such activity usually stem from internal conflict within each partner and their inability to react in a rational, conducive manner. Let’s face it, we’re in a different world than 10 years ago so we have to change our approach and resolve to a situation. I believe its as simple as evolution of character.

Its time we evolve as individuals and learn that we’re faced with many challenges and obstacles in order to allow love to thrive and a relationship between two partners to grow. Basically we have a choice. We can allow outside actions and influences affect our emotions and state of mind or we can choose to elevate ourselves consciously to counter it with understanding, respect, and empathy. We also have a responsibility to ourselves to learn self-control. We never know what can happen in each of our own lives as well as the single life of a partnership therefore we must learn to accept the possibility of an endless array of resistance from forces outside of our control. Basically we have to change our thinking as far as what has been accepted as the traditional perspective of a relationship and what actions we’re each “expected” to take in order to maintain stability and growth alike. Not only that, but we have to stop blaming one another for every miscue or misunderstanding that takes place amidst a conflict or disagreement. The key is healthy growth, not unhealthy responsiveness. To truly evolve we must learn how to rebalance the connection between two partners if we want it to remain strong and fruitful.

I understand there’s no perfect way to conduct a relationship. But we have to understand that whether its two months or two years, we are always evolving individually and when we involve ourselves with another human being it changes how we see things as we’ve now agreed to respectfully embrace and accept one another’s differences as well as similarities. Because that’s what a healthy relationship is truly about, acceptance. In order to love someone you must accept who they are even if you disagree with how they see things. We are all raised with different perspectives of the world and some ideologies are hardwired as youths therefore you can’t try to change who someone is in order to make yourself feel more comfortable with their presence. What’s important is to acknowledge what two partners have, and that’s love, trust, respect, empathy, and loyalty to one another. Those are necessary building blocks for a successful relationship and without them it is doomed for failure and destined to crumble. Its important to understand that from the word, go.

In all honesty, we have to ask ourselves what is truly important in a relationship? We also have to ask what purpose does an argument even serve? We have to weigh what’s more important, proving whose right or wrong or simply letting it go and just appreciating to opposing points of view in order to widen each other’s perspective? Because in the long run, you’ll come to find that a break-up wasn’t worth the conflict that allowed it to happen. So instead, have a breakthrough, and learn to see things eye to eye so you can move on and bask in the glory of love that we all yearn for in life. Because in all actuality, if you can better yourselves while bettering one another, then you’ll come to discover things about the world and existence as a whole that we would’ve never thought possible without the connection of the one of the most important people you’ll ever meet.

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