There are these moments that capture us sometimes… They grab ahold of us and they force us to embrace everything around us and live in the moment. There is no pain, no love, no hatred, no remorse, nothing but what is. Now, what leads to this is a multitude of things. It could be grief, shock, a near death experience, utter humiliation, or in my case heartbreak. Its in these moments that all of the sudden the world doesn’t need to make sense and we come to realize both everything matters, and nothing matters. Its like we remove every bit of insecurity or reservation about us and who we truly are surfaces from hiding. Its these moments that we come to really just appreciate not only all that is, but all that was, all that could’ve been and all that will be. And its why I call this experience, a divine moment of truth.
Lately I’ve been going through a transformation of sorts. Honestly, its definitely one of the most intense transformations I’ve gone through as of recent. This happens to me a few times a year. If I actually take the time to recollect I’d say it can happen anywhere from 5-7 times within the span of a single year… If I’m lucky. But every time, its almost as if the skin of my former self is shed and a new me emerges. Truth be told I would describe it as beautiful but to be honest its just fucking liberating. I feel it happens in stages though. Like I usually go through a depression of some sort, and some dramatic experience or catastrophic moment occurs that just hits me so drastically its like I’ve waken up from a deep sleep I’ve been in for a long time.
This divine moment of truth occurred after a severe bout of heartbreak that was so bad, I literally didn’t sleep for 3 days, and within the course of a week I must have slept a total of 10 hours maybe. I couldn’t help it… I hurt all over. My mind wouldn’t stop racing and I’ll I could think about was how much I wanted this pain to go away. Its nothing I would want anyone to experience but luckily for myself, its almost completely necessary in order for me to reach this divine moment of understanding. Its in this moment that all the sudden you just stop caring about what you think is important or what you think matters in life. You learn to just embrace the here and the now and realize that all you wanted to achieve or do in this life is all bullshit. Its just a about you being you. And that feeling is so intense, its like a jolt of electricity ignites every sense you have. And you can see and feel everything unlike ever before. Its more intense then drugs or sex or even the endorphin laced high from working out. Matter fact the only feeling it compares to is standing on stage in front of hundreds if not thousands of people and recycling energy between everyone of them as you do what you love to do.
But amidst all these I came to realize that the direction I headed in my life was completely wrong. All the wants, wishes, and expectations I had for myself were meaningless. Because no matter what, it wasn’t going to make me happy as they never would’ve worked out how i wanted them to any way. Because what truly matters is as long as I embrace every single moment and live in it, and be me, doing what I love then I’m alive. And that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Its about living… Being alive. It doesn’t matter how successful you think you are, or who you impress or where you sit amidst this sense of social hierarchy we hold so dear to us. Its all about just being you. And that’s where the most god honest truth lies, in that moment when all the good and bad, the pain and heartache, the mistakes you made mean nothing. They don’t exist because they are gone and though it took all of those experiences to get you here, this is the most important moment right here. And this moment should take place every single moment you are alive.
I used to think I was born to inspire people, to make a difference in the world. I really felt like there was going to be a moment when I would take my place amongst the legends that influence a generation. Now, I could really give a shit. I could care less about inspiring anyone, about proving anyone wrong. I could give two fucks if anyone reads these words. I didn’t write them for anyone else but myself because this is what I love to do. Now, if by the grace of the universe these words read the right audience and I give a little wisdom, then awesome. Take it and go live your life doing whatever it is you love doing. Go love whoever it is you love and never let a single fucking person take that away from you. That’s been my motto my entire life and for some reason, I tend to forget it because I get so hypnotized by this entire holographic illusion that surrounds us, I lose sight of myself. But that’s why moments like these occur, to remind me that I’m still here. This is a reminder that I am alive and I am going to do what I love because its what I do. Whatever the outcome is… This moment is the most important moment in my life. And I hope its yours as well.
That’s the divine moment of truth. When you come to realize everything that surrounds us is just a reflection of us through a multitude of perceptual senses, then you can truly embrace it all and know that you are here to live… So start living… And don’t ever stop.