You know if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn about human beings is we are extremely complex creatures. There are so many confusing scopes to our own nature that half the time we don’t even know who we are, where we are going, or what we truly want in life. One minute we want a successful career, one minute we want more recreational time, the next moment we’re searching for the perfect mate, and days later we just want to be left alone. When it comes to human beings and our inconsistency with our own emotions, its safe to say much of the time we have no fucking clue what it is we’re doing; plain and simple.
For these reasons is why relationships are so damn hard. There’s a scene in the movie “Hitch” with Will Smith and Eva Mendes during the speed dating scene, where they’re in a continuous exchange of blaming one another for who’s at fault for their relationship not working out. Finally upon the end of the scene ‘Hitch’ stands up and shouts, “Take a good look at this, because this right here, this is why falling in love is so god damn hard!!!” What’s ironic is how on point the dialogue is regarding the breakdown of communication between men and women in relationships. If you haven’t seen the film, I suggest it specifically for that scene and that scene alone. It really was the highlight moment in the entire movie.
Personally, I think movies like ‘Hitch’ become so popular is because they somehow do the best job in portraying what it is many of us are looking for in life, yet have so much trouble trying to find. And as much as people will try to argue against the case, I do believe every person out there is undoubtedly searching for their one true love, or soulmate, regardless of sex or cultural background. Its just part of human nature. We enjoy being in love. Its a good feeling. Possibly the best feeling you can ever experience, and if you haven’t yet, don’t lose hope because I promise you all the torment and struggle is worth it when you finally just let go and allow it to come to you. And even if it doesn’t last forever it is true what they say, better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all. Though its difficult through the heartache and pain, nothing will ever be able to substitute the feeling of finding a partner that matches your unique nature perfectly.
Of course as we all know relationships aren’t always ‘picture perfect’ 24/7 and most of them don’t have happy endings. But there are many reasons for that. And honestly, I believe many of those reasons could be avoided if we just learned the one key ingredient to making a relationship work, and that’s communication. Communication is quite possibly the one key element to make any relationship work, be it friendships, co-worker relations, acquaintances, family, etc. Its so vital that I truly do feel it is the one factor that will make or break any relationship. Only problem is its the one area most people lack understanding or refinement in their own unique character traits. Its the driving force in personality, that most of us fail to grasp, and many of us refuse to acknowledge.
The question is, why is proper communication so hard for us? Why do we spend so much time dancing around issues and problems instead of approaching them at their core, and saying how we truly feel? Well that answer isn’t as simple as it seems merely because just as we have trouble communicating with one another, we have just as much trouble communicating with ourselves. Often enough to avoid conflict or pain we lie to ourselves, we talk ourselves into or out of something we do or don’t want. We put ourselves in awkward situations because we’re not thinking clearly or convince ourselves the outcome is going to be different then what our intuition tells us. We spend so much time listening to the thoughts and opinions of others and ignoring what the voice in our head is telling us that eventually we just dig ourselves deeper into holes we can’t climb out of until someone else pulls us out. And by then its too late.
Truth is, its not as hard as we make it out to be. I believe its a psychological condition that is programmed into us from disqualified communicators who are just as confused as we are, yet somehow are put in positions of authority in which they end up having far too much influence over lives they aren’t responsible for. Its also something many of us don’t realize as we are fed deluded messages of half truths via mass media or institutionalized learning and we take it as gospel because humans are so impressionable that we’ll believe anything just make us feel something to remind us we’re not alone. Of course that argument is for another day.
To be quite honest, human beings are flawed creatures on so many levels, its almost ironic that one of the few things that separates us from other animals is what we have the most trouble with, and that’s our emotions. Every other animal and insect on the planet knows how to communicate because they do it based on biological needs and familial tendencies in order to assert themselves to separate roles and establish hierarchy amidst one another. If only human beings could make something so simple, less complicated. If we merely said how we really felt more often the lines of communication wouldn’t be so blurred and we’d be able to establish some sense of understanding with one another. Unfortunately we don’t because of odd, and ridiculous reasons that make less sense than just telling the truth and saying it how it really is.
Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. I do realize my ability to communicate has always been stronger than much of my peers and relatives and though I am grateful, I simply use what I was given and assert myself with a confidence about who I am and how I feel, because its what is right in my heart. That’s what it really boils down to, is saying whats on your mind and speaking it from the heart. It honestly can’t get much simpler than that. Attempting to complicate situations based on excuses and misunderstandings usually causes so much confusion, we end creating more problems than necessary, and fail to even tackle the initial issue at hand.
All in all, I’d say we have a long way to go by the looks of things in the scope of our society as it remains today. First we have to rid ourselves of so much judgement and prejudice before we can move forward and evolve with understanding one another on a deeper level in order to establish strong bonds and healthy relationships that can grow with every conversation, and build with each day that passes. But learning how to properly communicate with one another without exchanging blame, guilt, shame, or insecurity is a good start. From that point on, its up to each person to take responsibility for not only what they do, but also what they say. And when the day comes we finally master the art of communication with one another, I think there’s no limitation to what partners can do for one another as well as everyone else around them they touch.